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Bad Resume, Advice on Landing an Interview

1:Use “special” fonts

Fancy fonts are good in greeting cards and flower shops, really. Maybe it’ll appear as pretty in your resume too. Also, remember to underline and italicize words and phrases all over your copy, it will definitely please your employer.

2. Try to be cute

Who would resist a paper filled with cute images and dreamy quotations right? This is one surefire way to impress the hiring manager, sure as hell when you can’t stop watching the yanky TV shows where you derive your starry-eyed tactics to get the interview.

3. Add some strange hobbies to make them curious

Tickle your employer’s imagination by playing Emily the Strange. An air of mystery won’t hurt, especially if you want to brandish your unique talent or experience. If you want them to treat you as one-of-a-kind, flaunt your extraordinary ability to eat chickens alive. They might give you extra credit for that, no kidding.

4. Be very, very creative

Want to impress? Here’s how: pick a strongly-scented stationery, sprinkle with some glitters, and never forget to grab attention with colors. This will definitely make you stand out. Say, your hiring manager will even thank you for passing such a work of art.

5. Appear like a hottie in your pictures

Yeah, you’ll magically attract your employers’ favors with jaw-dropping images. Make it a dirty, bad application, baby. Appear like a certified hottie, and he’ll even see you in his dreams. And surely, you’ll be asked for an interview so prepare, in your dreams too.

6. Look so smart, imply that your application is an unbelievable bargain

Nothing will ever convince a company like the cool confidence of an applicant that he’s even better than his employer. This will make them think that you’re a genius who unfortunately got broke so you have to apply in a poor business like theirs. But though you are about to bring the company to salvation, beware that they might think you’re too great to work with them.

7. Indicate the figures you want for your salary

Money makes the world go round. Why not be downright honest in your application? Declare how much you want from them so they won’t get shocked if you demanded more.

 8.Be a perfect, walking cliche

Of course, never let go of the words and phrases ‘excellent’, ‘great’, ‘highly effective’, ‘good communication skills’ and so on. They are treasures, the most commonly used, and therefore, the trend. These words actually turn on experienced HR’s (just ignore their yawn).

9. Play a joke, let loose

And the best about it, freely express your humor. No one gets in the way if you will write “Objective: To beat Superman’s muscles,” or “Sex: Yes please.” You might land the job right away, lucky enough if it landed in the hands of a one in a billion HR personnel who just love horsing around with a bad, bad resume.

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