There’s a whole hubbub that persists online and in some social circles about dating. Some men seek to ‘win,’ to become pick-up artists who can sleep with a different woman every night for the rest of their life. These men become engrossed in a society where the goal is to amass a library of phone numbers and to use those numbers to reel in a tasty catch, spend the night with her, and discard her. They defend themselves by saying that many women don’t want relationships — and they’re right — but they often fail to realize that they’ve built a hobby of competitive woman fishing that results in an empty life devoid of true female companionship.
This isn’t to say that there’s anything wrong with pick-up-artistry. In and of itself, it’s a fascinating and unique approach to meeting and interacting with women (or men, if you choose to use it that way). If you’re honest with yourself and your potential partners it can be extremely successful at accomplishing your goals, whatever they may be. The issue is that the community around PUAs doesn’t emphasize your personal goals. It celebrates number closes and sex. Veterans and rookies alike will tell you to approach as many women as possible, get as many numbers as possible and sleep with as many as possible. You’ll be met with praise and cheer when you succeed, and you’ll get support and encouragement when you fail. There’s always another fish in the sea, they’ll say. They’re right — especially if your goal is to sample as many fish as possible. If you want a more fulfilling meal, however, you’ll have to spend a bit more time on each fish, and the community seems to dissuade you from doing that.
Before you get too involved in a dating education program, ask yourself these questions:
How will I know when I’m successful at dating women?
Is it the number of women I’m dating?
Is it the number of women I’ve slept with?
Is it the number of women I’ve approached today?
What is my goal in pursuing this program?
Where do I see myself in five years, dating wise?
How will this program help me make that picture a reality?
Based on how you answer those questions, evaluate the program. Will it really help? If you choose to pursue the program, make sure you keep your goals in mind. The techniques that many programs use can be used to achieve many types of goals. Use these programs to achieve your goals, not those of your instructors.
There’s nothing wrong with using any program for any kind of result as long as you’re honest with women about your intentions. Seduction artists can be extremely successful in building lasting relationships — they just have to tune out any of their peers that judge them based on the number of women they’ve slept with and call a girl more than once.
By determining your goals you can help get the most out of dating education programs. Choosing a program to match your goals or simply keeping your goals in mind regardless of which program you choose can help you decrease the time, money and effort you spend chasing ‘success’ that doesn’t actually matter to you. Don’t wind up feeling lost, empty and unsuccessful because you’re living someone else’s dream. Figure out what yours is and live it.
By Ray Drake