Stop Making Excuses in Relationships

It’s very common for women in particular to make excuses for the behavior of partners at the expense of themselves – particularly in new relationships. Women who are likely to be suffering from low self esteem can find themselves in relationships where they are having to guess how much a new partner really likes them, wants to be with them and/or wants to be in a committed relationship with them.

As an outsider, it’s often easy to see the problem in these situations – these women often desperately wants to believe the relationship will work, so they seek potential signs to prove the relationship will be a success. Often the search is for signs the other person likes Them. However this is where most of the problem lies. In seeking validation, women can confuse whether someone likes them, with whether someone wants to be in a committed relationship with them. They are very different things. The respective partner most likely enjoys the woman’s company but if she is having to question his true intentions, he is not willing to give her as much as she truly desires.

It’s very important for men and women to be VERY clear about the person they want to attract and the relationship they would like to have. In doing so, early warning signs of negative behavior (such as being distant, being rude, flirting with other people and showing a lack of respect) provide clear direction to either walk away or clarify the behavior early on – then make a decision about staying or leaving.

The key issue here is self respect and self value. People put up with bad friends, partners, family members and associates because humans have an innate need to be liked. However, it’s important to remind yourself regularly that assertive actions (standing up for what you feel is acceptable behavior in a relationship) empower you to create positive and supportive relationships. These relationships in turn help you to grow and succeed as a human being.Sorry

You don’t have to accept negative behavior in order to be accepted by others. People will invariably treat you the way YOU say is acceptable. What tends to happen (unfortunately) is that often people allow others to treat them badly for too long. By the time they decide they have had enough, they have set a precedent that states they have been OK with this negative behavior up to that point. Therefore, by the time they gather up the courage to be assertive, they are likely to be met with extreme hostility. The message of course is to speak up as quickly as possible in relationships so that you create a different precedent of behavior based on mutual respect, love and support. People may not always like what you have to say, but a good relationship allows for each person to feel heard and for issues to be discussed openly and honestly – without fear of a break up.

By Lizzie O’Halloran